Forgiving Family

What does it mean to forgive? The definition on LDS.org is as follows: As used in the scriptures, to forgive generally means one of two things: (1) When God forgives men, he cancels or sets aside a required punishment for sin. Through the atonement of Christ, forgiveness of sins is available to all who repent, except those guilty of murder or the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost. (2) As people forgive each other, they treat one another with Christlike love and have no bad feelings toward those who have offended them (Matt. 5:43–45; 6:12–15; Luke 17:3–4; 1 Ne. 7:19–21).

Here are 10 necessary steps for forgiveness that include repentance:
1. Recognize the sin/offense
2. Feel sorrow for the sin/offense
3. Forsake the sin/disclose
4. Confess/Avoid the offending behavior
5. Make restitution (make wrongs right)
6. Recall the hurt
7. Empathize
8. Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness
9. Commit publicly to forgive
10. Hold on to forgiveness

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (205-210). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

I am reminded of the simple Children's Primary song:

1. ♫♫ Help me, dear Father, to freely forgive
   All who may seem unkind to me.
2. Help me, dear Father, to truly repent,
   Making things right, and changing my ways.
3. Help me each day, Father, I pray;
   Help me live nearer, nearer to thee. ♫♫
4. 
   
   
5. "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of ... repentance [and] forgiveness." 
6. ~The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that we can repent, forgive, and be forgiven of our sins because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that made it possible for us. As we forgive others, our family members, and ourselves, we will be able to feel the Spirit of the Lord working to strengthen our families. 

Please enjoy this heart-warming video about this man and his incredible example of forgiveness. Warning: box of tissues will be needed.

4 Things to Pray for in Marriage

"Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship."

--Nathan M. Lambert

My husband is often away for medical school rotations. I miss him dearly and he misses me. I pray for him and he prays for me on a daily basis. We also pray together. We ask Heavenly Father to bless us with safety, with knowledge, with comfort, and with happiness. We thank one another and our Heavenly Father for the blessings we have and for the love that we share. I always look forward to praying with my husband. 

Husband and wife should pray together to include God in their marriage. They can focus their prayers on these 4 things to strengthen their marriage:

1. Pray for sanctification of marriage

2. Pray to restore cooperative goals

3. Pray for de-escalation during conflict

4. Pray for forgiveness

I know that prayer strengthens and heals marriages. As we turn to the Lord, there is nothing that we cannot fix or strengthen with His help. If both spouses are humble and willing to have a change of heart, husband and wife can restore their goals, resolve conflict, find sanctity in their marriage and find forgiveness. 

"May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of you bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another." 

--President Thomas S. Monson, 2001

"If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony."

--Elder Dallin H. Oaks, 2007

"Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse's good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage."

--Elder Russell M. Nelson, 2006

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). Sanctification and Cooperation: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times. Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (196-199). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Finding Faith in Family

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith and prayer..."

--The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

I love going to church. I have been a church-goer all my life, and I will never stop attending. My faith is so important to me because it has influenced the person that I am today. I know that I am blessed when I go to church, pray, and read the scriptures. My family is also blessed immensely because of this because it brings the Spirit into our home and brings us closer together.

In today's society marriages and families are falling apart. The world is losing faith in family life. There are ways that we can strengthen our families by having faith in our lives, and this will increase our faith in our families. 

10 ways that we can increase faith in family life
1. Religious community and marital fidelity
2. Religious community and avoidance of pornography, violence, and conflict.
3. Religious community and the importance of being "equally yoked"
4. Religious community and mothering
5. Religious community and fathering
6. Religious practice of prayer in marriage
7. Religious practice of family rituals
8. Religious practices and the parent-child bond
9. Religious beliefs and parenting
10. Religious beliefs and marriage.
*Definition of "religious community": "support, involvement, and relationships grounded in a congregation or less formal religious group" (Dollahite, Marks, & Goodman, 2004, p. 143). 

I love the principle of praying together as a family. "Praying together as a family and reading the scriptures...together is probably the best [thing we do to pull us toward Heavenly Father and each other]....It feels right. It feels good....I'm grateful to...be able to do that."

--Shana, Latter-day Saint mother

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). Faith in Family Life. Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (186-192). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

In my personal experience, praying and having faith in Jesus Christ and in the family has brought me closer to my Father in Heaven and to my spouse and family. We are happier and are more unified. 

Watch this to learn more about faith, prayer, and family:

What are some experiences your families have had with prayer and having faith as a family?

To the Fathers

The 5 Principles of Fathering:

1. To Preside

2. To Partner

3. To Be Present

4. To Provide

5. To Protect

There are 3 ways to Preside:
1. Fathers are directed to take upon themselves the responsibility of spiritual leadership in the family life as part of a loving Eternal Father's plan for family functioning.
2. A father's responsibility to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations that rest upon men in family life.
3. The manner in which a father is to exercise spiritual guidance among family members explicitly articulate: "in love and righteousness" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

Define Presence:
"From our understanding, to be present in fathering is to act on the obligation to be there for one's children with your physical presence and availability, mental awareness and engagement, and practical involvement in their lives and activities....In essence, it involves a continuing moral commitment to be present for the work of meeting needs and providing care in a lifelong relationship with a child." --Sean E. Brotherson

3 Ways to be Present:
1. Be there physically
2. Be aware psychologically
3. Give care practically

To Provide also means to give Stewardship:
"Stewardship work involves creative, dedicated effort to provide resources for children and family and provide opportunities for children to develop and learn to care for their own and others' physical and psychological needs." --Dollahite, Hawkins, and Brotherson

To Protect:
"[Fathers can] actively protect their children by helping them to make wise choices about the literature they read, the movies they see, the television programs they watch, the Internet sites they visit, and the friendships they establish."--Hawkins and Brotherson

My Father:
My own father has been a wonderful example to me and has always presided over our family with love and care. He is a partner to my beautiful mother. He is present in our home. He provides for the family as an artist by profession. He protects our family and administers Priesthood blessings to us. I love my dad!

In conclusion:
"As fathers practice these essential principles in their lives and relationships, they fulfill their own potential and guide the rising generation toward achieving the divine potential that resides in each of us as 'a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents' (The Family: A Proclamation the the World)."--Brotherson

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). "Honor Thy Father". Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (141-148). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

To the Mothers

My mother is strong, beautiful, smart, sweet, a great cook, and has a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She is a true example to me of a faithful woman. My mother is one of my very best friends. I love her so much. I could go on and on about the importance of mothers and how wonderful my own mother is. Instead I will let you hear about how wonderful mothers are from the prophets and apostles and leaders of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ:

The Divinity of Mothers

"May each of us treasure this truth: ...One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one."
--President Thomas S. Monson

The Sanctity of Mothers

"Satan has unleashed a seductive campaign to undermine the sanctity of womanhood, to deceive the daughters of God and divert them from their divine destiny. He well knows women are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family....He has convinced many of the lie that they are third-class citizens in the kingdom of God. That falsehood has led some to trade their divinely given femininity for male coarseness."
--Elder Richard G. Scott

The Sacrifice of Mothers

"Just as a mother's body may be permanently marked with the signs of pregnancy and childbirth, [the Savior] said, 'I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands' (1 Nephi 21:15-16). For both a mother and the Savior, those marks memorialize a wrenching sacrifice--the sacrifice of begetting life--for her, physical birth; for him, spiritual rebirth."
--Elder Bruce C. Hafen and Sister Marie K. Hafen

The Personal Growth of Mothers

"The world would state that a woman is in a form of servitude that does not allow her to develop her gifts and talents. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could be further from the truth. Do not let the world define, denigrate, or limit your feelings of lifelong learning, and the values of motherhood in the home. Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning. A mother's learning grows as she nurtures the child in his or development years. They are both learning and maturing together at a remarkable pace. It's exponential, not linear...In the process of rearing her children, a mother studies such topics as child development; nutrition; health care; physiology, psychology, nursing, with medical research and care; and educational tutoring in many diverse fields such as math, science geography, literature, English, and foreign languages. She develops gifts such as music, athletics, dance and public speaking. The learning examples could continue endlessly."
--Elder Robert D. Hales 

The Influence of Mothers

"Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life.The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."
--President David O. McKay

The Goals of Effective Mothering

1. Preserving life.
2. Nurturing growth and development.

The Way To Mother

"There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family....What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."
--Elder M. Russell Ballard

Husbands & Motherhood

"The greatest work of any man is 'the endowment of motherhood' (Carver, 1913, p. 293). As a husband 'endows' his wife with motherhood, he does all that he can to enable her work as a mother to flourish, because she is the central nurturer of their greatest treasure."
--Jenet J. Erickson

The Definition of Motherhood

"Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve 'the mother of all living'--and they did so before she ever bore a child....Motherhood is more than bearing children....It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."
--Sister Sheri Dew

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). Mothers as Nurturers. Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (131-137). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.