5 Ways to Nurture Love & Friendship in Your Marriage

Why did you marry your spouse? Was it love at first sight? Did you think the two of you would live happily ever after and ride off into the sunset? I can tell you that when I first met my husband, Mr. Chapman, I was only interested in him as a friend. We became best friends very rapidly and the next thing we knew, we were planning our temple marriage, honeymoon, and our eternal life together. After 3 years of marriage, we have discovered that the key to staying in love comes from what brought us together in the first place: friendship.

Here are 5 ways that you can nurture love and friendship in your marriage:

1. Respond to bids for attention, affection, humor, or support. 

We as human beings crave this. 

Show your love & support by giving your spouse a hug or words of affirmation.

2. Make an effort to do everyday activities together.

My husband and I enjoy taking short walks every day and getting ready for bed together.

3. Have a stress-reducing conversation at the end of the day. This involves reuniting at the end of a busy day to see how things went, and listening to and validating one another. 

Tip: Do not do this when it is late and both of you are exhausted. Tensions rise & arguments may occur. Think stress-reducing = go on a short walk, take a bath together, etc.

4. Do something special every day to communicate affection and appreciation. 

Leave a love note on the mirror, give your spouse a back scratch/rub, say "I love you" every day.

5. Keep track of how well you are connecting emotionally with each other, and make enhancements when necessary. 

Come together in couple counsel every week and recognize the things that work and don't work.

Source: Hawkins, A. J. (20122012). Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage. Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives (31). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

"Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse." --John M. Gottman, PH.D 

Source: Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). Inside the Seattle Love Lab: The Truth about Happy Marriages. The seven principles for making marriage work (20). New York: Crown Publishers.

As you work on ways to have a strong friendship together, your love for one another will increase significantly. Why do you think that so many people loved Jesus of Nazareth? He was a friend to everyone. He is the perfect example of friendship and love. 

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." -John 13:34-35

If we all take on Christ-like attitudes toward our spouse, then we will have happy, successful marriages. 

Enjoy this happy video of couples of all ages sharing how they express love to one another!